In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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