After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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