When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
