Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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