I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
