his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
