On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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