Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
