How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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