Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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