you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Drunk is not a location!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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