Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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