Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
