nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Naked. naked and bneed help.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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