he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
