so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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