Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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