Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize