thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
