you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
