plz talk dirty to me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
