That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
