You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize