She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This baby is an asshole
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
