could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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