Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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