I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
