I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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