his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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