I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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