Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
