Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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