the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
