Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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