on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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