Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
