never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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