when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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