Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish you could order shots online.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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