I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
