i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
