Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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