Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
