Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
