i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize