Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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