i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
