dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
