Pappa wants mamma naked
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
