Define "chronic" masturbator.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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