That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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