Already got asked if we're dating
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
false alarm, still single
Randomize
