last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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