anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
