TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
