pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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