Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
