Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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