I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
