I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
