You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
