TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
