before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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