I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
