he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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