she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
