I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize