Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
