so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
