I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
