i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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