I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
