just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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