i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
