so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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