It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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