she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
