Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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