Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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