guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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